


Dear Diary

by kitkatty



Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, Free! Kink Meme, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:45:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2187042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatty/pseuds/kitkatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka discovers Rin's old diary and gets some much needed inspiration from his 12 year old crush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Diary

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for the kink meme! prompt can be found here: http://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/2701.html?thread=3317389#cmt3317389
> 
> I hope you like! <3

Rin opened the door to his childhood home and showed Haruka in. They were immediately greeted by Rin's mother, whose enthusiasm at seeing Rin seemed to rival Gou's (a family trait?). She hugged her son and bowed politely to Haruka, who noded in response and offered her the cake he'd brought.

"Thank you for having me."

"Oh! You didn't have to go out of your way to get a cake!"

Rin slapped Haruka on the back, earning him a sidelong glare as Rin simply beamed back at him. "Mom, Haru made that cake."

She gasped audibly at that, her eyes shining with admiration. "I'm so impressed! Rin has such talented friends!" She thanked him and gingerly moved the cake into the fridge. "I look forward to trying it! But dinner comes first. You two have about an hour before dinner will be ready."

Rin nodded and thanked his mom, leading Haruka up to his room. When he entered his old room, he placed the bag he had on the floor and started to take out the game system he'd brought over. "Man, I haven't slept in this room in ages. Mom wanted me to come home for a few days though, and since I've been such a bother to her the past few years, I couldn't really refuse. And anyway, with Gou on vacation with her friends, mom would probably get lonely."

"It looks the same as when we were kids."

“I honestly don’t know if I’ve slept here since before I left for Australia.”

Haruka moved to sit on the bed, and noticed an old notebook tucked under the pillow. He picked it up without a word, and his lips quirked into a small smile as he opened it. Rin was crawling around connecting the game system to his TV and was chatting away, but Haruka had stopped listening. On the first page of the notebook was a doodle of who he could only assume was Rin, standing on a podium, with a gold medal around his neck. Scrawled across the top was 'Olympics 2016'. He then noticed a face, in the top left corner, in a cloud, saying "thank you". That must have been Rin's dad. His heart hitched at the thought; this drawing must have been from before Australia. He scanned the picture again, and in the bottom corner were seemingly all his friends and his family, cheering and praising him. He could easily recognise himself, as the doodle that was not smiling, but there was an arrow pointing to him saying "secretly happy." Haruka snorted a bit, biting back his laughter.

"... but I only brought a few games... Haru are you even listening?" Rin looked up to Haruka, who was blatantly ignoring him in lieu of... his face paled as he recognised exactly what Haruka was ignoring him for. Looking up to him, Haruka smirked and showed him the page he'd been looking at, and Rin tried to hide sigh of relief. _Could have been worse..._

"You’re much better at swimming than drawing."

"Don't you dare keep looking through that!" Rin made to snatch at the notebook, but Haruka had been expecting as much, and whipped it out of his reach. Not one to back down from a challenge (least of all one from Haruka), Rin lunged at the other boy and tackled him to the bed. Haruka's quiet laughter could barely be heard over the shuffling as Rin wrestled him for the book, quickly gaining the upper hand. Straddling him, he pinned Haruka’s arms above his head with one hand as he snatched the book away with the other. Smirking triumphantly, Rin wondered why Haruka hadn't put up much of a fight. Looking down to glare at him, Haruka was just smirking and quirked an eyebrow at him. Suddenly realising their current position, Rin went beet red and immediately clambered off him, huffing and moving to hide the notebook deep in his closet.

"It's rude to look through peoples things!"

"Couldn't help it, little Rin-rin is cute."

"That is so embarrassing." Rin tossed a controller at Haruka, who caught it with ease. "I'm going to kick your ass at Smash Brothers."

\---

As promised, about an hour after they arrived, Rin's mother was calling him down to help with dinner.

"I'll help too." Haruka said as he started to stand, but Rin waved him off.

"Nah, don't worry about it, I'll come get you when dinner's ready." With that, he left the room.

Rin had clearly forgotten about the notebook; Haruka had not.

Smirking to himself, Haruka glanced at the door to confirm he was alone, and then opened the closet. A quick scan and he could see it sticking out from behind some shelves. It’s like he wasn't even trying to hide it. Haruka grabbed it, and closing the closet, moved back to sit on the bed. Flipping past the first page, there were a few pages of what looked like poems. One of them seemed to be the draft of the one he wrote for their yearbook. Haruka laughed as he scanned it over again. Moving onto the next poem, he must have been practising for Australia as this one was written in english. Haruka was not really good at english; he was a bit annoyed that a 12 year old Rin was apparently better at english than he was now. He did recognize his own name written in english at the top though… that piqued his interest. On further inspection, it wasn't Rin’s own poem, as the name “Shakespeare” was at the bottom. Haruka was unsurprised he'd copy down Shakespeare, he had always been so obsessed with romance. But Rin had addressed the poem to him, even though he clearly never intended for him to see it. Haruka gawked as he tried to understand the words.

> _~~Nanase~~ Haruka,_
> 
> _If I should think of love_  
>  _I'd think of you, your arms uplifted,_  
>  _Tying your hair in plaits above,_  
>  _The lyre shape of your arms and shoulders,_  
>  _The soft curve of your winding head._  
>  _No melody is sweeter, nor could Orpheus_  
>  _So have bewitched. I think of this,_  
>  _And all my universe becomes perfection._  
>  _But were you in my arms, dear love,_  
>  _The happiness would take my breath away,_  
>  _No thought could match that ecstasy,_  
>  _No song encompass it, no other worlds._  
>  _If I should think of love,_  
>  _I'd think of you._
> 
> _\- William Shakespeare_

Haruka felt his face heat up a bit as he read the poem. He wasn’t an idiot; he knew there was very strong chemistry between himself and Rin. But they both had trouble acting on it to take it anywhere. As a kid, Haruka had been really confused about his feelings towards Rin, which had resulted in him pretty much scowling in frustration every time he saw the other boy. Clearly Rin had already sorted his own feelings out at the time. But now Haruka was afraid of being left behind, and he was sure Rin felt undeserving after how he acted upon his return. He knew they should sort it out, but communicating had never been their strong point.

Moving down the page was another poem. This one clearly was written by Rin, as it had been scratched out, either in embarrassment or frustration. Haruka shook as he silently laughed, feeling his whole body warm in response. Rin was so endearing... not that he'd ever admit it out loud. He carefully read through the scribbles, just able to make out the poem.

> _My heart swells as he dives in,_  
>  _Cutting through me like water._  
>  _Can he feel me in the waves like I feel him?_  
>  _He gracefully swims away, and I follow,_  
>  _Desperate to keep up._  
>  _His place is in the water;_  
>  _It holds him as I wish to._  
>  _He swims to be free,_  
>  _I swim to be near him._  
>  _If I could one day be his ‘Free’..._

Haruka lightly ran his fingers over the poem one last time. As silly as it was, he really liked it. He grabbed his phone a took a picture of the page before moving on. On the next page was literally just his own name written in the middle in large bubbly letters, with hundreds of hearts around it. He had to stop himself from bursting out laughing. He took a picture of that page too. On the opposite side was another drawing, a comic this time. In the first panel was Rin stepping off a plane, with what Haruka could only assume was a sunset in the background. An arrow pointed to him which read "me coming back from Australia!". The next panel was Haruka himself, looking cranky but blushing apparently, and holding a bouquet of flowers. There was an arrow pointing to himself reading "Haru meets me at the airport~". The last panel is of them holding hands and walking away, with Haruka carrying his luggage for him while Rin carries the bouquet. Haruka stifled another laugh and took another picture.

Flipping the page, the top half was a drawing of himself and Rin swimming in a pool, with a cherry blossom tree nearby and petals falling everywhere. Haruka mused that in another life Rin could have been a successful shoujo manga editor. It looks like Rin had used the following pages as a diary. No date, but from the contents he could tell when it was from.

> _"I'm leaving for Australia today! So I’m going to write down all my thoughts, so I can always remember how I’m feeling. I told Haru and Makoto that I was leaving a few days before the race. They both were surprised. Maybe I should have told them sooner, but I was scared they wouldn't swim with me if I did. Haru looked mad. I feel a bit guilty for feeling happy about that! Is it weird that I want him to miss me? I'll miss him a lot. I almost don't want to go. ALMOST! I wish we could swim together forever._
> 
> _The relay was amazing, I was so happy, and we won! We buried the trophy in the club’s yard, we’ll come back when we’re older to dig it up, cause we’ll all be friends still then! Haru didn’t even smile during the relay, but I could tell he was happy too. I think if he was ever going to smile, it would be in a pool! I know that's just how he is but I wish I could see him smile. I think I fell in love the very first time I saw him swim. I wonder if he'd ever want anything to do with a romantic guy like me? Nagisa always says that he's smiling on the inside, but sometimes I wonder. I want to make him smile! When we're older I'll come back and I'll show him how good I've gotten at swimming, and he'll have gotten better too, and then we'll swim together again and maybe then he'll smile for me. I think we're destined to swim together forever!_
> 
> _I gotta remember to write down his address so I can send him letters while I'm in Australia! I’ve got to get better first though, I won't write any letters until I feel like I have something to impress him with! I hope he'll write back. I'm a bit scared to go off on my own but I want to be brave like my dad, and I'll just think of him and Haru and I'll be fine! Maybe after Haru can swim professionally with me, and we can go to the Olympics together! We could swim a relay at the Olympics!! And Makoto and Nagisa too, I think it would be a dream come true! I can't wait to grow up and see how well we're all doing. We're going to be friends forever and Haru will always be there, but we'll be old enough that we don't need to ask our moms when we want to hang out. Maybe we can live together! Then I could see Haru every day!_
> 
> _I'm going to miss him a lot. I hope he keeps in touch, even if its in his own weird Haru way. I think his words would give me strength."_

At the bottom of the entry was "Haru & Rin forever" in a big heart, with little hearts all around it. next to it was a poorly drawn copy of the picture from that relay. He overemphasized Haruka’s scowl, but had an arrow pointing to him labelled “Smiling on the inside”. Haruka got a bit choked up as he ran his hand gently over the page. He was glad this was all in the past, it reminded him of how much it hurt to be left behind, and how, despite his words here in this notebook, Rin had never actually written. It made sense; if he didn’t feel like he’d accomplished anything, he didn’t want to write. But Haruka didn’t know that at the time, he had just felt abandoned. He wouldn’t deny that it had messed him up a bit, but Rin was working on fixing that. He took a picture of these page too.

Reading through Rin's diary was surprisingly cathartic. It reassured him of how he felt, both as a kid, and now. It was everything he missed while Rin was gone, everything he longed for when he came back, and everything he hoped for now that Rin was Rin again. Australia had certainly changed him, and now he was the best of both his current and former self. He was still cocky and confrontational, at least with Haruka, but he had a renewed passion, and had become comfortable with letting his feelings be shown, even if it was just a little bit. Haruka felt changed too; he hadn’t ever felt motivated one way or the other before, but now he wanted to work hard for his friends and for himself. It had been a hard journey, but seeing themselves now, and looking back on themselves before, he felt really good about how everything had turned out.

Glancing at the clock, he was surprised to see that it had been 15 minutes already since Rin left the room. He figured he didn't have much time before dinner was ready, so he quickly scanned the room and found a pencil and paper. He'd just have to read the rest of the notebook later.

He was finally ready to take his own advice and just dive in.

\---

Rin shouldn't have been surprised that the main reason his mother had asked for his help was to grill him about Haruka. This had been the first time she'd seen him since before Rin went to Australia, and knowing about his little crush and how often he talked about him, she couldn't help but pry.

After 20 solid minutes of dodging questions and scandalised hisses of ”mom!", Rin was grateful to finally be calling Haruka down for dinner. He was blushing a bit from his moms constant stream of questions, but he hoped Haruka wouldn't notice. He certainly did notice the small smile on Haruka's face though, and it made him blush a bit more.

"Sorry that took so long, I hope you weren't bored..."

"Don't worry about it, I was just drawing."

"Oh, are you an artist as well, Haruka?" Rin's mother chirped in as they all sat down and gave thanks for their meal. The conversation flowed naturally from there, mostly with Rin's mother asking Haruka questions and him trying his best to give more than one word responses, Rin often taking over and answering for him in more detail. When dessert came she absolutely beamed at his cake. He knew Rin didn't like sweets, so Haruka had made a simple strawberry shortcake with some whipped cream.

Rin laughed and told his mom the story about how the last time he'd made this cake everyone else had been there, and with Nagisa flailing about he'd made him drop it all over Rin. Him and Haruka bickered over the details of the story, as Haruka seemed to remember events differently than him, although Rin did conceded that despite it being a horrible mess, the cake was still good, even if it was dripping down his hair. Haruka complained that Rin took way too long in the shower that night which led to Haruka only getting to soak in the tub for half as long as usual.

"You were in that tub for half an hour!"

"Routine is important Rin, consistency keeps you in good shape."

"Do you consistently take hour long baths at night?!"

Haruka huffed and looked to the side, scowling, choosing not to answer. Rin's mother chuckled knowingly and then started to clear of the plates from the table. Rin and Haruka stood to help, but she waved them off.

"Oh don't worry about it, you two can go have fun."

"Thank you for the meal, Matsuoka-san."

"Yeah, thanks mom."

She hummed to herself as she headed to the kitchen, leaving them alone. Sighing and resting his head on his hand, he glanced over to Haruka. "Wanna play more games?"

"No, let's go to the beach."

"Eh, you want to go swimming this late?"

"No, just a walk."

"Eh?" Rin raised his eyebrow at Haruka, about to question if he was feeling well, but Haruka was already heading for the door. Sighing again, Rin stood up to follow him, passing the kitchen to let his mother know they were stepping out.

The walk to the beach was done in a comfortable silence, although Rin couldn't help but shake the feeling that Haruka had something up his sleeve. When they rounded the corner and stepped onto the sand, Rin chuckled as Haruka sighed and looked wistfully at the gentle waves.

"Bet you changed your mind and are wishing we'd brought swimsuits."

Haruka tossed him a half hearted glare before returning his gaze to the sea. "You're doing that thing that Makoto does."

"Haru, I'm honoured! This is a great step in our relationship, now I can read your mind too!"

They continued down the beach, kicking their sandals off and walking through the water, letting the waves lap at their ankles and shins. Rin couldn't help but feel that this was horribly romantic for Haruka, and his stomach fluttered at the thought.

They didn't talk much, Rin just making a comment here and there. They mostly walked in silence until the sun was setting just over the cliffs to the west, illuminating the water in oranges and pinks. Rin sighed happily as he looked out over the ocean, before noticing that Haruka had stopped walking.

Looking back, he had to stop himself from gasping at the sight of Haruka, backlit by the setting sun, his hair softly waving in the breeze as he looked out over the ocean and smiled. Rin had never seen a smile quite like this one; he looked really happy. Rin felt drawn to him and couldn't stop himself from stepping forward and reaching towards him. When Haruka turned to look at him, he stopped dead in his tracks, and all he could feel and hear was how hard his heart was beating. His hand hovered slightly between them as their eyes met, and Haruka's smile seemed to grow even more. Rin was paralysed by him, all he could do was watch as Haruka stepped closer to him, curled his fingers between Rin's, and gently kissed him. Rin's eyes immediately fluttered shut and he couldn't stop himself from surging forward, leaning into the kiss and wrapping his arm around Haruka's waist with a contented sigh. They pulled each other close, pressing their bodies flush against each other as the kiss deepened. Slowly, they both parted their lips, tongues exploring each other as Rin's free hand came up to cradle Haruka's head, running his fingers through his hair as Haruka ran his hand up Rin's back.

Time had felt like it stopped for them, but when they finally pulled away, night had already fallen, the horizon a dark glow of purple where the sun had been. Rin had tears streaming down his face before he could even try to stop it. He hugged Haruka and buried his face in his neck, laughing and sobbing at the same time. Haruka ran his hand up and down Rin's back, tracing soothing lines across his body.

Rin hiccuped as he tried to speak. "H-haru," Haruka leaned into Rin to show he was listening, "Haru, I've wanted this for so long, you have no idea..."

Haruka hummed and smiled in response. "I think I have a bit of an idea."

The rest of the evening passed in a daze, as they'd walk down the beach for a few minutes, then stand in the waves and kiss for several more minutes. Before they knew it, it was already past 11. They meandered their way back to their abandoned sandals, and then made their way up to Haruka's place. Rin would have loved nothing more than to stay, but he knew really should be getting back. They spent 20 more minutes saying goodbye before Rin finally tore himself away. Haruka told him to text him when he got home, and Rin practically skipped the whole way back.

His mother was, thankfully, already in bed when he got back, so he quietly headed up to his room, grin plastered across his face. As he shut his door and turned on the light, he immediately noticed the notebook sitting in the middle of the bed. His face flushed deep red at the implication that Haruka's actions tonight had been directly influenced by his lovesick 12 year old ramblings. Shakily reaching for the book, he noticed a little piece of paper sticking out of it. Flipping the book open to the page it marked his face burned even brighter as he recognised the diary entry it was marking. The loose paper just had a few words on it, distinctly in Haruka's handwriting.

> _"This is just a bookmark, so I can pick it up again later."_

Below the words was a little arrow pointing to the edge of the paper. Unfolding it, Rin gasped as his eyes fell on an absolutely perfect sketch of himself and Haruka. It was from the picture taken after their relay during finals in second year; he must have drawn it from memory. His thumb brushed gently over the drawing as he took in every detail, eyes watering as he noticed some words around the edge. "Smiling on the inside" was pointing to Haruka, while "should never stop smiling" was pointing to himself. At the bottom was "Rin & Haruka forever" in a little loopy heart. Rin couldn't help but start sobbing all over again. Through his tears he did his best to text Haruka.

_"You are secretly romantic."_

_"It’s your fault. Are you crying?"_

_"NO. See you tomorrow?"_

_"Yeah, goodnight Rin."_

_"Goodnight Haru! <3"_


End file.
